Music to my heart
by Naya5064
Summary: Series of song based one shots. Brittana! Next one: It's five months after their break-up. Valentine's day is around the corner and Sugar asked Santana to perform at the Sugar Shack. She sings her heart out and then Brittany appears.
1. Good bye my lover

**Summary: This is set just after the break-up episode. Santana comes back to McKinley with a mission**

**Song: Good bye my lover - James blunt**

**Please read the lyrics because they are important and inspired the story.**

* * *

_**Good bye my lover**_

For the first time since their break-up, Santana Lopez walked through the McKinley hallways, trying to find her bubbly blonde. She was nervous. Nervous for what she was about to do for the second time. Pondering over what she intended to do; Santana didn't hear the person that was rounding the corner in front of her so bodies collided. "Ow! Watch where you're going! You d…" The Latina quickly swallowed the insult that was about to roll off the tip of her tongue when she saw who was in front of her. A tall woman with blonde hair and gray eyes that looked very familiar. The woman always reminded her of Phoebe from 'Friends'.

"Mrs. Pierce? I'm s-sorry I bumped into you. How are you? What are you doing here?" The only other blonde who could make Santana nervous and excited at once besides Brittany was Brittany's mom. She adored Brittany's mom ever since her and Britt became friends. Mrs. Pierce and her daughter are very alike and Santana learned fast where Brittany's got her quirkiness and unique mind got from. "Wow hold on Santana! What's with the twenty questions?" Mrs. Pierce said with a smile before she continued. "First of all, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Lisa? Mrs. Pierce sounds so old. Secondly, I'm here to drop off Britt because ever since her stupid ass girlfriend 'broke up' with her, she's even more confused than ever. And other than losing my future daughter-in-law, I'm good" Mrs. Pierce brought her hand up, to put a loose stray of raven hair behind the girl's ear and softly pinched her cheek.

"How are you sweetie? What happened? Please explain it to me because Brittany won't talk to me and I really don't understand…" Mrs. Pierce's eyes were full of concern when she watched Santana trying to find the right words. Mrs. Pierce was devastated when she heard the news. Although the Latina caused some trouble over the years, the older Pierce loved her nonetheless. She always felt like she had three daughters instead of two. She even saw how in love Brittany and Santana were before any of them knew. Heck she already secretly started planning their wedding. But now that was a far away dream. She kept staring at Santana until she got her answer.

"I-I don't really know myself Mrs. P…I mean Lisa" Santana quickly corrected her error. "You know I love her but then I screwed up…" Santana saw Mrs. Pierce looking intently and saw her roll her eyes with a face that said _yeah you screwed up alright. _But then Lisa's look softened when she saw Santana was on the verge of tears. "And now I don't know what is going to happen. What if she falls in love with someone else? What if I lose her? It's all my fault." Santana just wanted to drop to the floor, crawl into a hole and hide forever in her self-pity. Mrs. Pierce engulfed Santana in a big warm hug and kissed her on her forehead. Santana let the tears that were in the corner of her eye run free and roll over her cheeks while the blonde soothingly rubbed circles on her back. They just stood there for a couple of moments before Santana pulled back and stared at big, grey eyes. "Is she here?"

"Yes, Britt is in the choir room practicing"

Santana let out a breath she was holding since she bumped into Brittany's mom and wiped away the tears on her face with the back of her hand. "Thanks Mrs. P. I'm going to go see her now if that's ok. We really need to talk..." The older blonde hugged her tightly once more before she stepped aside so Santana could pass by. A small smile spread across her mouth and she took a step into the direction of the choir room when a hand held her wrist to let her come to a stop. "Tana? You know I love you but if you break my baby's heart again I will endz you…understood?" Santana's eyes went wide at this and she nodded quickly. "Oh and remember… 'A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.' "

Santana smiled when she heard those words. It was Brittany's favorite quote. When they were kids and Brittany got home crying because she was sad because some kid made fun of her for not being 'book smart', her mom always said those words to cheer her up. Off course seeing Santana kick a boy in the nuts always cheered her up too, but when she heard those words, it reminded her of her and Santana.

"Thank you" the Latina almost whispered before she was about to make her way across the hall. Mrs. Pierce quickly hugged her again before she left the school. Determined to complete the mission she planned, she walked to the end of the hall.

* * *

Santana lowered her pace when she approached the choir room. The sound of notes flowing of a piano reached her ears and silently peered through the glass of the door. The choir room was completely empty except for Brittany, who was sitting at the piano. Pale, long fingers traced fluently over the keys. Santana was completely astonished. She didn't know Brittany could play the piano. She thought it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever heard. The melody the blonde was playing was jolly and playful like herself and she seemed to enjoy it very well. After a couple of minutes the melody changes and turns into a heart breaking melody with a slow pace. By then, Santana already slipped into the room without Brittany noticing, who continued playing the melody. And then Brittany started singing.

_*Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care.*_

Santana couldn't believe her ears. Brittany thought it was her fault! She couldn't let this happen. She wanted to stop Brittany right then and there. Tell her it wasn't her fault but Santana's. That she screwed up, and that SHE was the one who let their love down. But she couldn't. She looked at the blonde's face, eyes closed, brows furrowed. She couldn't interrupt, so she just listened. She listened intently to the lyrics and to Brittany's beautiful voice that was drenched with sadness and sorrow.

_*You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.*_

She remembered how she and Brittany would lay in her bed and talk about their dreams and goals. Brittany hadn't really had a big dream until Santana told her she could dance professionally if that's what she wanted to do. Brittany didn't dare to dream it because she didn't think she was good enough but Santana convinced her otherwise and by the end of the summer they collected all the possibilities for Brittany to dance.

_*And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you.*_

Thoughts of Santana's body close to Brittany's, made the Latina shiver. They've always been very physical but not just only sexually. They've always been very intimate with each other. Everything could be said with just one touch or one kiss or even just one look. They know each other inside out.

_*Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.*_

A single tear streamed down on Brittany's cheek and silently fell down. Santana's breath stay in her throat as she was speechless.  
_  
*I am a dreamer and when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the mother of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you.*_

They had their whole life planned out together. They were going to graduate college, move to New York, get married and start their own family. Those were their four life goals and they were planning on doing It together but now that was all gone.

_*Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.*_

Santana was now full on crying too. She couldn't hold the tears back any longer but she remained silent to not disturb Brittany. The blonde was crying fully too but kept on playing and singing. Santana thought it was the most beautiful thing Brittany has ever sung. Filled with so much emotion and passion.

_*And I still hold your hand in my mine.  
In my mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bear my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet._

Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.*

As the last notes died away, both girls remained silent, still shocked by the heaviness of their emotions. Brittany snapped out of her daze when a familiar scent tingled her senses. Slowly she turned her head until she was met with the sight of a broken Santana. "San? W-What are you doing here?" Brittany almost whispered, too scared that this would be a dream and if she was being too loud she would snap out of it. She tried wiping away her tears but the just kept coming. The same for the Latina. Their eyes locked and instantly their eyes were in a silent conversation about how much they miss each other. How Santana was sorry and most of all how much they loved each other. But this times that wasn't enough. Words need to be said so Santana swallowed her fears and took a few steps into Brittany's direction.

"I-I.." Santana's voice was raspier than usual so she cleared her throat and started again but was interrupted by Brittany. "Look Santana I know we broke up but I still love you…every time I think about you I get sad and I think about you all the time so I'm always sad now. I know it's all my fault but can't we talk about it? Please? If you really don't want me anymore I understand and I will try and forget you even though I know I never could. Maybe if you tell me what I did wrong, I can fix this and.." Brittany was now interrupted by Santana who put her hand over the blonde's mouth so she would stop talking.

"Britt, stop saying it's your fault because it' not! It's my fault. I'm the one who caused this, not you." Santana took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a minute. When she opened her eyes again and looked at the piercing blue ones in front of her. Her heart broke all over again. The look in Brittany's eyes was unbearable but at the same time , she couldn't advert her eyes. Blue orbs full of confusion, sadness and heartache.

"We have to talk Brittany, it can't go on like this. Britt I'm actually here to do something. Something I have done before right here in the choir room. I'm here to tell you I love you."

"Remember when I was singing 'Songbird' to you?" Brittany nodded and a smile came upon her face. "Off course I remember silly, it was one of the happiest days of my life."

Santana smiled too now. "Remember how scared I was for anybody to find out and then I let you down by not coming to your show . I was so scared back then because I thought other people opinions mattered more to me than yours. But then I finally got it together. And all that time you still loved me. After everything I've put you through, you loved me unconditionally. I was so stupid back then that I almost lost you.

Two weeks ago I did the same thing but then on top of that I broke your heart and for that I will never forgive myself. I got scared again. Scared to lose you. Being so far away from you made me thinking a lot of stupid things. I thought that with you not near me I would fall back into my old habits of cheating. When that girl smiled at me and I smiled back I thought that I already was cheating on you. But I promise I would never do that. So I got scared and doubted our relationship but that was the biggest mistake of my life." Brittany eyes beamed with hope and she took a step closer toward Santana so that their face where now inches away, blue eyes still locked with brown ones.

"Britt I'm here to apologize, and to ask you if you would give me another chance. I will…" Santana was interrupted by Brittany's lips crashing into hers. Brittany didn't need any more words. Their kiss was full of hunger and need. It was rough and fast. Brittany took Santana's bottom lip in her own and then her tongue grazed over the top of Santana's plump lips. Santana pulled back, in need to say the most important words. "I love you so much." A toothy grin appeared on Brittany's face. "I love you too San. Forever." And then their lips were sealed together again softly with the promise to never let go again.

* * *

_song: Goodbye my lover - James Blunt_

_quote: Rupert Brooks_


	2. Don't you remember

**Summary: It's five months after their break-up. Valentine's day is around the corner and Sugar asked Santana to perform at the Sugar Shack. She sings her heart out and then Brittany appears.**

**Song: Don't you remeber - Adele**

**Please listen to the song and read the lyrics because they are soooo important and expresses everything Santana feels. Really important! Thanks ;)**

* * *

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Santana let out a heavy sigh and noticed just how tired she looked. It's been almost five months since her and Brittany broke up but Santana still wakes up every morning with the same dull ache in her heart. A couple weeks after their break-up she wanted to makes things right again but when Santana arrived back in Lima, she found out the hard way that Brittany had moved on rather quickly.

_When Santana walks around the McKinley hallways, a sea of people spread apart to let her pass. She smirks at the thought of the terrifying effect she still has at her old high school. She made her way down the hall and ready to turn the corner where she knew Brittany would be standing at her locker. She had sent a text earlier, asking Brittany to meet up at her locker to talk. The hallways were a very public place to confess her feelings, but she did it right there the first time. Their lockers were always a bit special to them because of all the things that happened between them; confessions, rejection, hope and most of all love. Santana thought it would be perfect. Her nerves kicked in when she reached the corner and a smile appeared on her face, thinking she was about to see her favorite person in the world. But her smile dropped immediately when she rounded the corner and eyes went ice cold at the sight in front of her. Brittany leaned with her back against her locker, her hands gripped tightly on the shirt of the person standing in front of her. Sam. He had one hand on her waist and the other on the locker next to the blonde's head. Bodies only inches apart, lips sealed together. Sammy fucking Evans was kissing with HER Brittany, had his hand on HER Brittany, made HER Brittany giggle._

_She wanted to run out and stab out her eyes but she was frozen. She couldn't move, she wanted to but she was so shocked that it seemed her mind and body were on hold. She didn't think of anything, her mind was completely blank. She didn't know how long she stood there but it seemed like hours. _

_When they finally broke apart, Brittany turned her gaze towards the frozen Latina a couple of feet away who let out a noise of exasperation. When Santana took in a big breath, it got stuck in her lungs because of the cerulean eyes that were now fixated on her chocolate ones. "San? Shit…" the blonde muttered and the Latina was snapped back into reality and her mind kicked back in motion. Without a single word she turned on her heels and left the school building. When she stepped in her car, her tears were already flowing freely and her heart writhed in pain. It was like someone cut open her chest and stabbed her hard with a blunt knife very slowly and over and over again. Brittany had already moved on…_

_She didn't notice Brittany standing next to her car until she heard her tapping on the window. Santana tried to cover up her tears, not wanting the blonde to see her breaking down, but her cheeks were wet and her eyes red. Brittany opened the car door and reached out a hand to grab the Latina's hand but when Santana felt the touch of pale skin on hers, she flinched. Brittany's eyes widen, and a flash of hurt covered her eyes. "San? What's wrong?" At those words, Santana snapped and turned her head to the blonde so fast she thought her head would fly off. "SERIOUSLY? You were just sucking face with Sam and you except me to be fine?! What the hell Britt? I thought you loved me but now it's clear you don't and never have.." The moment those words escaped her mouth, Santana already regretted saying them. It wasn't fair of her to lash out at Brittany like that. Their eyes locked for a few seconds. Blue ones filled with hurt and tears in the corners. Santana was about to apologize when the blonde turned on her heel and left Santana without saying one word. That was the last time she saw Brittany._

The ringing of her phone made her snap out of her thoughts and she rolled her eyes when seeing who called her. She swiped her finger to unlock her phone and brought it to her ear.

"Yes Sugar?" She loved her friend but sometimes she could be an annoying little brat. "No of course I haven't forgotten, I'll be there in like fifteen minutes…God don't wet your panties….Yeah yeah, see you in a minute. Bye" Dropping her phone on her bed, she groaned in frustration because she promised to help Sugar out tonight. It was Valentine 's Day and since the **Sugar Shack** was such a success last year, she decided to do another one this year. Sugar asked her to perform and Santana got excited to sing for an audience again. Since she moved the New York a month ago trying to start her music career, it didn't really go as planned. She lived with Kurt and Rachel to split the rent and was currently working as a waitress downtown. She still waited to get a phone call from a big music label to fulfill her dream so she took it day by day at the time. Anything to distract her from the pain and sorrow. Santana was reluctant to go but she promised so did the finishing touch on her make-up and got ready to go.

* * *

When Santana arrived at Breadstix it was already a full house. All the New Directions newbie's were there along with Blaine, Joe, Tina, Mike and Mercedes. Sugar was behind the bar bossing everyone around. The Latina made her way towards the bar and waved at her friends while passing by. When Sugar saw Santana coming towards her, she almost jumped from behind the bar and threw herself in the arms of the dark haired girl. "Wow! Easy there with the PDA Sugar." She awkwardly hugged the other girl who had a huge grin on her face, before pushing her lightly back. "Sorry Santana but I really missed you! I haven't seen you in two months.." Santana smiles back and places a hand on Sugar's shoulder. "I've missed you too Sugar.." To say Sugar was her rock the past couple of months was an understatement. The girl endured every hysterical crying session on the phone in the middle of the night without complaining. She just was there for Santana when she needed it the most. Normally she would call Quinn but since their Thanksgiving debacle they aren't exactly on good terms. It was when Sugar visited her when she was still in Kentucky, she knew she could lean on the quirky girl.

"I-is..is she here?" Santana said softly while adverting her eye to the ground. She really hoped Brittany wasn't coming, especially if Sam was with her. Sugar frowned at the sad expression on the Latina's face and gently rubbed up and down a tanned arm for comfort. "No, she's euhm…she had other plans.." Santana didn't need to hear Sugar saying the words to understand that Brittany probably would be with Sam.

Santana just nods and tries to hide the hurt expression on her face. "So when am I up?" A smile reappears on Sugar's face and she pulls the Latina along with her to an empty table. "You are up last so we can have drinks first!" They take a seat and Sugar snapping her fingers, she calls a waiter. "Yo hottie, two shots of tequila please"

"No no tequila for me, just a coke please" Santana says without looking up at the waiter so she doesn't notice how the waiter is giving her a once over and keeps staring at her, his eyes focused on her ribcage. Sugar doesn't know if she's more astonished about Santana not drinking or that she's not going all Lima Heights on this guy's ass. Sugar shoos off the waiter when the first performance begins.

The rest of the night is pretty uneventful and when the evening is almost at its end, it was time for Santana to sing. She made her way over to the stage where the band was waiting for her. When she heard the first strings of the guitar playing she took the mic and closed her eyes, letting the song take over her emotions. What she didn't notice, was a certain blonde who entered Breadstix.

_**When will I see you again?  
You left with no goodbye,  
Not a single word was said,  
No final kiss to seal any scene,  
I had no idea of the state we were in,**_

**_I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,_**  
**_And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head,_**

**_But don't you remember?_**  
**_Don't you remember?_**  
**_The reason you loved me before,_**  
**_Baby, please remember me once more,_**

**_When was the last time you thought of me?_**  
**_Or have you completely erased me from your memory?_**  
**_I often think about where I went wrong,_**  
**_The more I do, the less I know,_**

**_But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,_**  
**_And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,_**

**_But don't you remember?_**  
**_Don't you remember?_**  
**_The reason you loved me before,_**  
**_Baby, please remember me once more,_**

**_Gave you the space so you could breathe,_**  
**_I kept my distance so you would be free,_**  
**_And hoped that you'd find the missing piece,_**  
**_To bring you back to me,_**

**_Why don't you remember?_**  
**_Don't you remember?_**  
**_The reason you loved me before,_**  
**_Baby, please remember me once more,_**

**_When will I see you again?_**

When the song ended, she opened her eyes again. She realized she had her eyes closed during the entire song and on her cheeks were tears slowly rolling down. Awkwardly she cleared her throat and left the stage to step outside the restaurant. The cool February weather caused chills all over her black dress covered body and clouds of air were visible when she breathed heavy. Santana didn't hear the other person that followed her outside so when cool, slender fingers grazed her bare shoulders she jumped up in surprise but when she felt the familiar skin, her body relaxed immediately. The touch of skin brought back all the memories she shared with the one person she ever loved. She let out a quiet sigh before turning around and meeting azure eyes that looked at her intently. The hand on her shoulder slowly made its way over her arm to her hand where she received a small squeeze before their hands dropped down. Their eyes locked and for a moment, Santana's heart stood still. God she missed those eyes. The eyes that hold her whole world. The eyes that could make her the happy as well as miserable. Santana was convinced it were the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen and she knew everything about them. She knew when Brittany was truly happy when the edge of her irises where lighter. When the edge was darker, she was excited. And when they were fully darker, the blonde was upset like now. Santana wanted to say something, anything but she couldn't. She was mesmerized by the blonde so when Brittany spoke, Santana was a bit startled. "Santana? Are you ok?" When brought back to reality, Santana remembered the last time she saw Brittany. "Euhm yeah, I'm fine….you?" A small smile and a nod was all she got from the blonde. A few moments of silence fell between them and Santana took the opportunity to gather all her courage to apologize to the blonde.

"Brittany, I-I want to apologize…for what I said. It was completely unfair of me and I'm sorry." Brittany's face expression was blank. Normally Santana would know what was going on in Brittany's mind by just one look, but now it was a mystery.

"It was unfair of you to react like that. You broke up with me remember?" Brittany wasn't going to let her off that easy.

"But I never said we were apart for good. I just wanted to give us both some time to really think about things before our relationship got ruined for some stupid reason. You know, that day I was going to talk to you about that. I wanted for us to be together again. But when I saw you together with Sam, you clearly already moved on so..." Santana wanted to slap herself for letting Snix resurface when she knew she was wrong.

Brittany's eyes got so dark and she only had ever seen them like that when the blonde was mad. No scratch that, when she was furious. "What the hell Santana? You can't blame this all on me! You're the one who wanted a break, not me. You're the one who left ME behind. I never wanted any of that! I loved you!"

"Then why are you with Sam? If you loved me, why would you be with Sam that soon?" Santana regretted coming back to Lima. All these months she managed to stay away and it made it a bit easier but now she was royally fucked. _Stupid Sugar with her stupid Sugar Shack_ the Latina thought.

"YOU BROKE UP WITH ME! You left me Santana! For weeks I was a mess! You didn't love me anymore! Sam was just helping me out like a friend but then one thing led to another...He didn't make me happy but I wasn't unhappy either. What was I supposed to do?"

"I-I..." Santana was utterly speechless and broke their gaze the look at the ground ashamed. Everything was ruined now and it was all her fault. Silent. Both of them just stood there, both engulfed in their own thoughts until Brittany broke the silence again.

"Did you mean it? The song?" Brown orbs immediately shot back up to blue ones. Again, Brittany's face was unreadable.

"Yes, every single word. But it doesn't matter because you're with Sam now and if he makes you happy, you should be with him." Santana knew she had to let go of the blonde. Sure Santana would be miserable for the rest of her days but at least Brittany would be happy.

"Actually I'm not…we broke up last month."

Santana mentally smiled and her hope came back. "Y-you did?" Brittany took a step forward so they were now only inches apart. "Yes…my heart still belongs to someone else." That's all Santana needed to close the gap between them but she was stopped by the blonde. Santana looked confused at the blonde and took a step back, thinking maybe she crossed a line, but a pale hand around her wrist held her in place.

"Santana I love you and I missed you…but being away from you all these months and Sam the past month, taught me that I needed to take care of myself. " Santana wants to run away again but Brittany still holds her firm grip. "Where are you going?" The blonde asks with a quizzical look on her face.

"I thought you were ending it this time..." Santana tried to avoid eye contact but failed when she felt the piercing blue eyes on her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks again.

"Well maybe I should…but it's not what I want. What I want is a 50/50 partnership. You don't get to decide everything. I'm not going to just follow you around blindly because it would hurt when I ran into things. Can you do that? Can we be equals? Or is it still all about you? About your feelings? Your insecurities? Your future? Or is it about us?

When Brittany said those words, Santana finally realized the truth. They are in this together and in order to make it work, they will have to work on it.

"See, I told you you were the one with the brains" A smile appeared on both of their faces as Santana continued. "You're right Britt, it's not just about me and my feelings We're in this together and running away whenever it gets hard, won't solve it. And I'm so sorry about everything I put you through Britt, I really am. Can you please give me another chance? I love you so much and I just know we can make this work…"

Happy about hearing what she wanted, Brittany grinned at the Latina and took another step forward. "Yes, we can make this work…together."

Santana let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and she chuckled, making the blonde chuckle as well. "C-can I kiss you know Britt?" the Latina asked shyly.

Brittany cups warm, tanned cheeks and pulls their lips together in a soft kiss. After all those months, their lips still fit perfectly together. It was a tender and slow kiss that neither of them wanted to stop. It was going to be hard because of the distance and the obstacles every relationship has, but both of them were convinced that they were going to make it. As long as they had each other, everything would be alright.


End file.
